Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Randomize
