my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Randomize
