If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Randomize
