John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
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