Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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