At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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