I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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