I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
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