So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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