I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
