Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
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