Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Randomize
