Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
