Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
