Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
