my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
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