We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
Randomize
