Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
my being single is dangerous.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Randomize
