The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
