so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Success! We fucked roommates!
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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