Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
you will always have a special place in my vag
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Randomize
