I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Randomize
