at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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