i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Randomize
