Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
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