Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
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