I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
