there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Randomize
