she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
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