Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
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