Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize
