Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
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