The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
We just shotgunned beers for America
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Randomize
