he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
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