i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
foreskin is a definite game changer
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
