come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
You ruined the universe
Randomize