my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
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