I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Still dying that you shit outside
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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