This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
