saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
Buhtt sex?
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Randomize
