Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Randomize
