At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
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