So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
