I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
