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• (970): View more from Colorado

  Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.

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• (561): View more from Florida

  i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls

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• (+64): View more from New Zealand

  apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.

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• (913): View more from Kansas

  I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her

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  Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags

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• (310): View more from California

  Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...

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• (818): View more from California

  two words...techno handjob

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• (716): View more from New York

  Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.

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• (503): View more from Oregon

  Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.

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• (410): View more from Maryland

  Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.

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  21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers

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• (563): View more from Iowa

  I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.

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• (478): View more from Georgia

  Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.

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• (307): View more from Wyoming

  I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society

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• (913): View more from Kansas

  well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time

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• (248): View more from Michigan

  Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.

  (248): View more from Michigan

  I was...perplexed.

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• (732): View more from New Jersey

  My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub

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