just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
Life is so much better after having sex.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.