Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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