My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Randomize
