I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
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