Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
