I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Randomize
