I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Randomize
