When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Randomize
