My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
