I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
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