Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
my liver is dry heaving
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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