You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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