my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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