just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
this hospital has no fireball
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
Randomize
