guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Randomize
