i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Randomize
