my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Come on in and take your pants off
Randomize
