I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
