i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
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