We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize