Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
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