dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
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