Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
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