brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
