i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Randomize
