Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
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