Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Randomize
