i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
