I'm going to jail i love you
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
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