I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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