Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
Too much gin, very little bucket
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
