after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Randomize