Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
