just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
