Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
