She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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