Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
Randomize
