just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
