I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Randomize
